Thoughts for today

It's been a little over 2 years since we had our 5th and final baby and I got my tubes tied. Would have loved to have had more, but with the health problems with the kids and how hard pregnancy is on my body we decided to close up the factory. Lately that has been hitting me really hard. This is the longest I have really gone without being pregnant since hubby and I got together 8 years ago. I got pregnant September 2009, June 2010, March 2012, June 2013, and July 2014. I have now gone 26 months without being pregnant, and knowing I never will be again is kind of hard. Silas is getting older and starting to get a wonderful personality and become more independent, my baby is no longer a tiny baby who needs me for everything. Also my other kids all got to experience the wonderful experience of being a big brother/sister, and Silas who just LOVES babies, will never get to experience that. Today he tole me "I want baby" and it broke my heard to know I can't give him that. People will say "oh you can adopt." Sure there is adoption, but to be able to adopt a baby like that it costs way way too much money. We can't afford the tens of thousands of dollars it costs to adopt a baby. There is adoption from foster care too, but those are older kids that are my kids ages or older. We would love to do that in the future, but I also long to hold a baby of my own again. I just wish for a second someone would just be able to help in some way. if it is in God's will one day I will get the chance, if it's in the cards. If not one day in the far future I will hopefully have grandchildren to hold and play with.